News Editor
My dear brethren in Nigeria,
I have strong faith that this letter will meet all of you in record time, and that it will also meet you in good health with your faith still unmistakably committed to the ideals and philosophies of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) or the Labour Party, which, regrettably, cannot meet my personal needs now but which I hope will continue to meet your own needs, especially in this very difficult period of unprecedented economic meltdown. I have since discovered that it is not easy to live outside the realms of political power, which has now become a compelling reason for me to leave you people there and to rejoin the APC so that I can commence the rehabilitation of myself and my family. It has not been easy for me to settle my bills, honestly.
I will not deny that I contributed a lot in instigating you to hate the APC in the last couple of years. I remember even telling you that the party was really out to Islamize the entire country, especially after it fielded the Muslim/Muslim presidential ticket in the 2023 general elections, which I told you was totally unacceptable, and which was a continuation of the falsehoods many of our fathers in the Lord waged against them in the run-up to the 2015 elections. However, since they have already won the election, there is nothing any one of us can do against their victory, and, moreover, since I have always known that we have been telling lies to Nigerians that the party was going to forcefully turn the country into an Islamic Caliphate, it shouldn’t be out of hand if I return to them to get a federal job and enjoy the good life. Seriously, I must confess that life is not easy without the opportunities for accessing cheap, hefty cash, which the availability of any top government appointment can easily provide.
Look, I know you people will feel betrayed that after telling you all manner of unprintable things against the APC and President Bola Ahmed Tinubu, I am now abandoning you and returning to the people I have castigated venomously. I remember even tweeting on the 25th of November 2022 that “The human brain is unique and miraculous. It works and functions optically [sic] 24 hrs a day, 365 days a year, UNTIL YOU JOIN APC, THEN IT STOPS WORKING.” And even as recent as the 26th of December 2023, I can recall saying that “Even if you give Tinubu 30 years nothing will work.” Well, to be honest with you, I cannot say that by running back to the APC, my own brain has stopped working. In fact, I have a very sound brain. I think it is you people I deceived that are having brains that do not work, and by running back to Tinubu, I can assure you that my life will work successfully for the next 30 years and beyond. Just watch me from now on and see what I mean. Moreover, what I just did is what people like us call ‘brain work’.
If you people had any scintilla of intelligence in your heads, you wouldn’t have believed what me and my fellow opportunistic merry-go-round political activists have been telling you against the APC and Bola Ahmed Tinubu at that time. I am only apologizing to you now so that you don’t think I am totally shameless. At least, I can show you through this apology that I have some shame and that I have a sound, clean, and clear conscience. In any case, in the spirit of brotherhood, please, consider my home as your home. My doors will always be open, especially on Sundays, for you to come and enjoy some well-cooked Sunday rice in my home. I know that the times are hard, and rice is now not easy to come by. But with me, your brother, at the corridors of power, you can be assured of hot meals of rice and chicken if you bother to drop by at my place on Sundays.
I invite you to join hands with me to help the government build my kitchen….. Sorry, I mean to build our nation, Nigeria where people like me can be assured of meals and meals and meals until the next elections, during which I will tell you again the direction we should all take because I expect you to still believe in my thinking capacity on your behalf.
Yours sincerely in fellowship,
Daniel Bwala
